Teenage Pregnancy

It’s an epidemic, we know: more and more girls become pregnant while still in their teens, from boy-men who have little intention of marrying and settling down. It’s a breakdown of society and morals, we’re told. It’s the end of what we know, some alarmists warn.

The adult students in my class are 8 months to 18 years past that pregnancy. Some of them enroll in class just for the money; most of them enroll for the life results: credits, job and earning potential. Many of them say that while they wouldn’t necessarily make that same choice to become pregnant, they’re not sorry it happened. Early motherhood didn’t harden most of them: it solidified their values. They made choices about what was important.

“There have been days when I haven’t eaten, but I’ve always had the money to feed my children,” Susan tells us. “I’m never going to depend on a man to support us, because I’ve learned that I can’t depend on a man. There have been times I’ve worked three jobs – but I’ve always taken care of my children.” Jane comments, “Like a lot of girls I was rebellious, and became pregnant in high school. When I married the father of my child; she and I changed our last names to his, because he would not hyphenate my last name with his own. But when she graduated high school, my daughter demanded a graduation certificate with each of her last names, because she said she’s proud of her mom, and what I’ve accomplished.” Jane’s no longer with that man: she now is committed to someone who listens to her voice, and values her independence, her desire to learn, her life goals.

These mothers have learned that the fairy tale stories of their childhood: true love and a prince will come riding to rescue each maiden, can be dangerous. They know that the prince may come as a career or a dream, not as a person. Happily ever after grows from how we respond to the decisions and events in our lives. If we sit back and wait to be rescued, we might be crouching in the chimney corner for a long time. Even Cinderella put on her dancing shoes and went out to the ball.

I’m not advocating teen pregnancy; it brings heartache, deprivation, judgment, fear, and too often abuse in less than ideal relationships. I am celebrating what many of my students have made of their choices. They are in school to learn. Side by side with their children, they sit at the dining room table, doing homework. These are the ones who have kept faith: with their children, with the values they learned through life, with themselves.